A shared doc open and ready to edit together. Tell Marcus: "We are going to co-write this; I am just the thinking partner."
"You noticed the pattern with Joy. Now you are designing the fix with the team. That is the difference between a rule you make for people and a norm they own."
Don't say "this is the right way to run meetings." It forecloses the team's voice. Ask questions and let the playbook come from their answers.
Joy is going to run the next retrospective using the async retro format she used at her previous company. Marcus is the learner in that meeting. Help him say to the team: "I haven't done it this way before -- Joy's going to take us through it." That sentence, said out loud, changes what the team sees.
Ask, don't tell. When Marcus gets stuck, try "What do you think is holding this back?" before offering your own view. Amy Edmondson's term for what you are building here is psychological safety: the team's belief that they can raise a concern or take a risk without being penalised. Marcus does not need to use that phrase; he needs to act it into existence.
Marcus described the Manila silence as a team-wide pattern: "Manila never speaks up." He had not yet connected it to meeting timing.
Written updates doubled participation. Marcus was pleased. Tunde's note that meetings rarely decided anything was a signal he hadn't expected.
Marcus called on Joy without warning. He was a little defensive when you raised it. When you asked Joy what would work for her, she gave a clear answer.
You went to Joy directly rather than guessing what was best for her. That kept Marcus's trust and gave Joy agency.
Named the timing problem. Introduced: agenda a day ahead, written input counts as speaking.
Written updates doubled participation. Added: every meeting ends with a written decision summary.
Joy felt put on the spot. Renée asked Joy directly. Joy stated her preference. Added: ask before the meeting, not during it.
Team playbook: "how I like to raise things" round, rotating times, decision log, pre-meeting ask. Joy leads the next retro; Marcus is the learner.
Marcus runs a check-in for another new manager at the company, sharing what the team built together.
"I already tried asking for input and nobody responded."
Check-in 4 done. What worked: What surprised me: What Marcus found hardest: Joy's reaction when Marcus said she would lead the retro: One thing I would do differently:Copied
I am coaching a new engineering manager (Marcus) on running inclusive meetings across three time zones. We have had three sessions. In the last one he called on a team member (Joy) without warning; she later said it felt like being put on the spot. For the next session we are co-writing a team playbook: a "how I like to raise things" round, rotating meeting times, a decision log, and a practice of asking people before the meeting if they want to present something. Joy is going to lead the next retrospective and Marcus has agreed to be the learner in that meeting. My question: [type your question here]Copied
Did the plan for check-in 4 help?
You and Renée are building a team playbook together. Not a policy -- a living doc the team owns. Four things go in it.
Send one question to the team: "When you have a concern or an idea, what is the best way to bring it up with me?" Collect their answers. Put them in the doc, one line per person, their words, not yours.
What Joy told you: "Ask me before the meeting if I'm okay to present it, and I'll come ready." That goes in the doc verbatim, with her name on it.
Look at the last two months of standups. Who has held the late slot? Rotate it. No one should always hold the inconvenient time. Document the rotation so the whole team can see it.
One line at the end of every meeting doc: Decision: [what was decided] Owner: [who acts on it] By: [timeframe]. Tunde said decisions were not landing. This fixes it.
Before any meeting where you want someone to present: send a direct message the day before. "Hey -- in tomorrow's call I'd like to bring up [topic]. Would you be comfortable presenting your side? No pressure if not." If the answer is no, you present it and name them in the notes.
Joy has run async retrospectives before. She is going to lead the team's next one. Your job in that meeting: follow her format, ask questions as a participant, and tell the team you are learning.
Say it out loud: "I haven't run it this way before -- Joy's going to walk us through it."
What changes when you say it: the team sees that you credit people, that you can be the learner too, and that Joy's expertise matters. Three things land in one sentence.
A situation comes up. Pick your move. See what happens and why. Difficulty adjusts as you go.
You worked through all the situations.
Tick these off as you build. Progress saves in this browser.
Joy ran async retrospectives at her previous company. Everyone writes their notes before the meeting; Joy groups them; the meeting is spent discussing patterns, not reading updates aloud.
Why it works well for a distributed team: people in different time zones contribute their full thinking before the call. The call itself is more substantive.
Answer questions about the team's work -- that is still your domain. But if the question is about the retro format, redirect: "That is Joy's call." Maintaining that boundary keeps her authority intact.
Name it directly: "I notice questions keep coming to me -- I want to make sure Joy has the floor here." That one sentence usually resets the dynamic. If it persists, check in with Joy after the meeting: did she feel supported?
Async formats often feel different the first time -- that is normal. Wait until after the retro to form a view. Joy has run this before; your job is to run it once before judging it.
That is a legitimate outcome. Add it to the decision log and discuss it openly. Joy's expertise is respected whether the team adopts the format or not.
Pause and ask: is this a safety issue, or is it just uncomfortable? If it is uncomfortable -- silence, disagreement, a slow pace -- that is Joy's retro to manage. Nine times out of ten it is discomfort, not danger.
Ask yourself: "If I say nothing for 90 more seconds, will someone be harmed?" If no, wait. Joy has run this before. Give her the 90 seconds.